And have I not
cause for gloomy reflections? The utter loneliness of my lot would
alone have rendered existence a curse to one whom nature has formed
glowing with all the warmth of social affection, yet without an object
on which to place it--without one natural connection, one earthly
friend to appeal to, to shield me from the contempt, indignities, and
insults, to which my deserted situation continually exposed me."
I am giving long extracts from this letter, yet I cannot refrain from
subjoining another letter, which depicts her feelings with respect to
Newstead.
"Permit me, madame, again to request your and Colonel Wildman's
acceptance of these acknowledgments which I cannot too often repeat,
for your unexampled goodness to a rude stranger. I know I ought not to
have taken advantage of your extreme good nature so frequently as I
have. I should have absented myself from your garden during the stay of
the company at the Abbey, but, as I knew I must be gone long before
they would leave it, I could not deny myself the indulgence, as you so
freely gave me your permission to continue my walks, but now they are
at an end. I have taken my last farewell of every dear and interesting
spot, which I now never hope to see again, unless my disembodied spirit
may be permitted to revisit them.
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