In returning to the Lodge I felt very happy, and thanked God that I
had now something to think about; something to dwell on as a relief
from the weary monotony, the lonely drudgery, of my present life:
for I WAS lonely. Never, from month to month, from year to year,
except during my brief intervals of rest at home, did I see one
creature to whom I could open my heart, or freely speak my thoughts
with any hope of sympathy, or even comprehension: never one,
unless it were poor Nancy Brown, with whom I could enjoy a single
moment of real social intercourse, or whose conversation was
calculated to render me better, wiser, or happier than before; or
who, as far as I could see, could be greatly benefited by mine. My
only companions had been unamiable children, and ignorant, wrong-
headed girls; from whose fatiguing folly, unbroken solitude was
often a relief most earnestly desired and dearly prized. But to be
restricted to such associates was a serious evil, both in its
immediate effects and the consequences that were likely to ensue.
Never a new idea or stirring thought came to me from without; and
such as rose within me were, for the most part, miserably crushed
at once, or doomed to sicken or fade away, because they could not
see the light.
Habitual associates are known to exercise a great influence over
each other's minds and manners.
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