To myself I said: "Oh,
that island, that island! Why can't I forget its miserable customs, or,
at any rate, stick to my own resolution to hold my tongue about them?"
Chapter 14
From that day I was frequently allowed to enter the Mother's Room, but,
as I had feared, these visits failed to bring me into any closer
relationship with the lady of the house. She had indeed forgotten my
offense: I was one of her children, sharing equally with the others in
her impartial affection, and privileged to sit at her feet to relate to
her the incidents of the day, or describe all I had seen, and sometimes
to touch her thin white hand with my lips. But the distance separating
us was not forgotten. At the two first interviews she had taught me,
once for all, that it was for me to love, honor, and serve her, and that
anything beyond that--any attempt to win her confidence, to enter into
her thoughts, or make her understand my feelings and aspirations--was
regarded as pure presumption on my part. The result was that I was less
happy than I had been before knowing her: my naturally buoyant and
hopeful temper became tinged with melancholy, and that vision of
exquisite bliss in the future, which had floated before me, luring me
on, now began to look pale, and to seem further and further away.
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